Reading Kristi Coulter’s memoir about working for Amazon corporate gave me a massive sense of deja vu. I had so many of the same experiences. Her struggle to get promoted was one thing that really resonated with me.
My career at Microsoft started out great - I was brought in at the typical level at the time for industry hires with a few years of experience (61 iykyk) and got promoted to level 63 aka Senior Program Manager within 3 years. Before I get complainy, I should note that I met my goal to make 6 figures before I was 30 (just barely). Remember this was 20 years ago and adjust for tech inflation accordingly.
And then I got stuck. I left to work for a startup and returned at the same level. I switched teams, which resets the “clock” on promotion because you have to prove yourself again. My part-time job disappeared on my second maternity leave, and I decided to leave rather than take a new random full-time job. I was out for 14 months with my girls (including 5 months of mat leave), then returned to part-time contract work for 2 years.
Because I just couldn’t get enough, I returned to a full-time role in 2016, again at the same level (could not negotiate higher). This is when it started to go bad. What should have been an “easy” promotion was not. I jumped through all the hoops, took all the feedback, etc. but a capricious manager decided I “wasn’t ready”. Never mind that this job required a govt security clearance and seriously increased responsibility AND I have glowing feedback from coworkers on that project.
We moved to California and that manager didn’t want a remote employee so I quit again and worked for them as a contractor (remotely - make it make sense), thus not having to think about promotion again.
Once that project ended, I found a different full-time role at the same company, one I had done in the past. Hope springs eternal. I tried to negotiate a higher level but they wouldn’t budge. I finally learned to speak directly about promotion instead of hoping someone would notice me doing a good job and reward me. I wish 2006 me knew that.
I finally got that promotion in 2021, literally 15 years after my last one, with only 15 months out of the workforce during my 22-year career.
Every time I left and returned, I made a lot more money. So I figured I shouldn’t complain and I was asking “too much” to be promoted. TJ and I would joke, “You can give me whatever title you want if you SHOW ME THE MONEY.” I made more than I would have if I had stayed continuously. Again, I’m grateful for that money - it’s the reason I can take time off now and not worry much about it.
The next promotion I was shooting for was a big one, “Principal PM” which is now standard for industry hires (sigh). I saw people at that level who could not operate a spreadsheet, run a meeting, or direct a project to save their lives. I fully admit that I’m an introvert and that hurts me in corporate American culture. But I have literally 15 years of glowing performance reviews and saved that company from literal millions of dollars worth of fines.
That promotion never came, of course, and I was tired of “performing” in the hopes of getting a treat. Through the grapevine, I realized there were several people “in line” ahead of me, and with recent layoffs and budget stinginess it was likely not going to happen for *years*. But of course managers are trained not to tell you that, so you’ll continue to perform.
At that point I was only in it for the money and dragging myself to work daily was a struggle. I don’t know why I cared so much. I was already making excellent money and some of my projects were reasonably interesting. I talked it through with my therapist, and she helped me understand. I wanted validation from work that I was valuable. Seeing others at that level who weren’t being held to the same high standards I was expected to achieve *before getting that title* was infuriating.
My life-long obsession with earning gold stars was becoming toxic. It served me well in school and early in my career, but not later. I came to Microsoft as a 27-year-old in 2002 hoping to become a VP one day and while I didn’t want that anymore, it was time to admit the place was no longer serving me and the grind was impacting my mental health.
It still hurts to give up chasing what was going to be the “final” promotion for my career there. But if I find work I love, I can see myself working 15+ more years. I don’t dream of retirement. A good job is FUN.
Two weeks ago I turned down an offer at my desired rate (!) for a part-time contract role on my old team. I need to get some distance and figure out what’s next. This is a big decision point for me - if I go back to Microsoft I will never leave. After returning 4 times, I joked that it was like a bad boyfriend I just couldn’t quit. That joke’s not funny anymore.
Wow. I feel like this fills in so many blank spots for me in the years we were collegues. I never knew you were going through all this. You are a rockstar. You shouldn't have been held back. :(
I've been trying to figure out how to get back into a real career without bringing any ego into it too. To be matter-of-fact about it, not letting pride interfere with my attitude. Most commonly my pride/ego, if it gets involved, makes me anxious about performing well. I can do without that anxiety. It also can paralyze me or make me afraid of asking questions. Helpful for keeping pride & ego out of it is being grounded in the rest of my life... keeping the lion's share of my identity resting on something besides work. I find that the older I get the more matter-of-fact I become, and this is a welcome change!