Sleep with one eye open

this one small trick will change everything (not really but maybe)

I’m halfway through week 6 of my new job and I hit a wall yesterday. By noon I was *exhausted*. TJ and I went out to lunch and he pointed out that I could just stop working for the day since I’m a contractor and only bill for hours worked.

Guilt springs eternal. After just 5 weeks I have a never-ending backlog of work tasks. I don’t ever feel like I’m “done” when I log off for the day. This is the nature of knowledge work/project management. I attended my last meeting for the day, answered a few messages, and plopped on the couch for a power nap that did not help.

Y’all, I was BONE TIRED. I thought I had gotten through that period when returning to work. I realized it started at the beginning of the day when I woke up with the alarm. I HATE using an alarm, but I have meetings as early as 6:30 am and my internal clock is not THAT good!

Photo by Indra Projects on Unsplash

So I changed a small thing. I originally set my alarm for 6 am daily to be consistent. Instead I decided to set my alarm for the *latest* time I can wake up and still make my first meeting. This gives me the option to get more sleep, and if I get to bed early enough, gives me some time to wake up naturally, before the alarm goes off.

This morning I got up at 5:56am on my own (!!!) after a solid 9 hours of sleep (idk why). It was enough time to walk to the neighborhood coffee place with C, which was a delightful way to start the day. I logged on to work just before my first meeting, and somehow that felt better than “trying to get a jump on the day” by logging in super early and working more.

These past 5.5 weeks have been a blur and I’ve really missed time with my kids, because they went back to school 2 weeks ago AND because I’m so wiped out after work. TJ has been doing *all* the kid driving which used to be my connection time with them. I feel like we’re ships passing each other with minimal “quality time”.

This is NOT the life I want, and this is a ME problem. I’m still working out how to integrate work into my life, not have it take over. Work is going really well, with lots of interesting projects to tackle. But the “life” side of the equation reminds me of when my kids were really little and we only got unhurried time together at the end of the day, when we were all at our worst (remember the “witching hour”? ugh.) Even now, after school and activities, my kids are pretty wiped out too and not ready for an extended cozy chat or FUN! ACTIVITIES! with their mama.

One part of the solution is working fewer hours. I’ve been consistently working more than 40 hours, despite my effort to control this. “Just one more thing” is my nemesis. There will always be that one more thing. It doesn’t need to be done today and I will never finish everything. Again, this is something I can control and have been historically terrible at doing.

That, coupled with a reasonable bedtime before 9:30pm, is my first step to get back to a better integration of work and life. (Balance is a myth, and I’m in a stage of life where I DON’T want it to be 50/50, sorry work!)

I’d love to hear your tips and recommendations please!